


Non Autem Memoria, Part II

by WittyWallflower



Category: Sanctuary (TV)
Genre: Amnesia, F/M, Friendship, Memory Loss, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Temporary Amnesia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-07
Updated: 2018-11-04
Packaged: 2019-03-01 11:57:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13294371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WittyWallflower/pseuds/WittyWallflower
Summary: Sequel to Non Autem Memoria, Part I. This one flips the script and Nikola is the one to lose his memories. Helen and her team tries to help him, but what they learned the first time around isn't working now.





	1. Chapter 1

When she entered his lab Nikola was bent over a lab table staring intently at his tablet. his hand was fisted beneath his chin. His hair was more disheveled than usual and he looked tired. He also looked lost in thought. She knew he read quickly but he wasn’t moving to scroll his tablet to new information.  He also didn’t acknowledge her entrance.  
  
“Nikola.” Helen said to get his attention.  
  
He straightened abruptly and turned to face her.  
  
“Helen.” He greeted her, tugging his waistcoat into place and smoothing his jacket. “What can I do for you?”  
  
“I need your report on the artifact.”  
  
Nikola’s face clouded briefly before he nodded. He had been avoiding it, for several reason. One was to avoid the conversations he knew would arise from it. Helen had been mercifully busy the last fortnight so he hadn’t had to face her, to discuss everything that had happened between them. Another important reason he’d been procrastinating was to maintain the secrecy of what he’d learned until he figured out what he was going to do with the information.  
  
But the time of reckoning had apparently come. He couldn’t put her off without arousing suspicion.  
  
“Certainly.” he said, making for his laptop as if to begin it immediately. "I’ll have it on your desk in the morning.”  
  
Helen’s eye’s narrowed slightly as she watched him. Nikola had been avoiding her company since her memories had returned. She had sensed he needed space and had tried to give it to him but he locked himself away in his lab for days and frankly it was starting to concern her. And she had so many question about what had passed between them in those weeks, questions she didn’t even know how to put to words. Questions that she knew she would see the answers to in his eyes, if she could only get him to sit still long enough to maintain eye contact.  
  
But if she really did want that report, it was best not to distract him with an emotional confrontation before he’d finished it.  
  
“Thank you,” she said quietly, voice almost lost beneath the sound of his busy hands on the keyboard.  
  
Her departure went unacknowledged by him but when she was gone the clack of typing died away and his fingers stilled.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Helen, Will, and Henry burst into the secure lab. They had tracked the breach here to the secured lab. It had come as a complete surprise, scuttling them all from their after-dinner leisure activities. The Sanctuary was locked down for the night, most of the diurnal Abnormals settling in to rest. None of the perimeter alarms had been tripped, nothing had sounded to alert them of an intruder. Which could only mean the breach came from the inside.  
  
Helen was not in the least surprised to find Nikola standing there among the more dangerous and unstable pieces of technology the Sanctuary had its hands on.  
  
“Just what do you think you are doing in here? And don't even try to tell me you got lost on your way to the wine cellar." she snapped.  
  
Nikola turned and regarded them for only a moment. With an odd smile on his lips he turned his focus back to the object he was holding. "And who might you three be with very impressive looking weapons aimed at me?" He asked without his usual humor.  
  
Henry and Will lowered their guns, Henry felt kinda sheepish since Tesla was technically his mentor. Will reluctant to stand down since he kinda really, really wanted to shoot the vampire. Helen nearly dropped her stunner entirely in shock.  
  
Sitting in Nikola's hands was the brain-eraser egg, as Henry had taken to calling it, that had temporarily stolen the majority of her memories so recently.  
  
"Nikola what have you done?” Helen asked with a sinking feeling.  
  
"Funny thing." He spoke, though he didn’t acknowledge her question. On the surface he seemed nonchalant. But that's what was wrong with his smile. It the smug grin quite reach his eyes. It wasn’t authentic Nikola amusement. It might so to anyone who didn't really know him, but Helen could see the confusion there. He wasn't wearing that air of more confidence than he really had a right to possess.  
  
“I can feel the thing working but i can’t detect any mechanisms or power input. How does it work? Do you open this seam?”  
  
In the haste of his curiosity, Nikola didn’t wait for an answer. He began to pick at the almost imperceptible line on the artifact, intent on gaining access to the odd machines innards, if it was indeed a machine. Without warning, his fingernail grew into the long black vampire talon normally kept held at bay within him.  
  
Tesla looked rather more surprised by it than Helen and her team was. After all, they were used to seeing him vamp out. He held up the changed digit, examining the claw closely. “Fascinating.” He murmured and filed the information away for later study and experimentation. For now he turned back to the artifact in his hand, trying to pry his way in with the newfound tool.  
  
“No use.” he said impatiently after giving it a go. The claw retracted as Nikola turned the egg over and over in his hands. “Too large, too thick. It would take a specially made tool, something paper thin but with the strength of steel rebar.”  
  
“Nikola.” Helen interrupted sharply to get his attention.  
  
He looked at her finally, expression annoyed. He was distracted for the long moment it took to take a slow perusal of this rather beautiful woman. But he was damned impatient to get back to his observations.  
  
“Put it down.” Magnus ordered him.  
  
Nikola obeyed with only a slight huff of annoyance. Really, it was a most mysterious device, he wanted to find out what makes it tick.  
  
“Do you know what has happened here, Nikola?” Helen queried.  
  
“You mean, other than you denying me the chance to tinker with the most advanced technology I’ve ever encountered?” His voice was testy until he was forced to admit, “No, I can’t say I know what happened here. Or where here is. I expect you can enlighten me?”  
  
Helen nodded and clasped her hands in front of her.  
  
“That device is an artifact we found in a cave some months back. It appears to harness the power to remove memories from the mind. When we first discovered it we had no idea of its capabilities. It took weeks before my memories could be restored.”  
  
“Really?” Predictably, Nikola turned back to the device. “Astounding. The understand of the human mind that must be required to accomplish such a thing. You say you found this? Was there any other technology with it? Do you know who created it?”  
  
“No. In fact we know next to nothing about it.”  
  
“Nothing?” He gestured around the lab they were in, full of equipment and blinking lights. They obviously hadn’t stuck it in a closet and forgotten about it. “But surely someone has been studying it? Someone had to have figured out how to restore your memories.”  
  
“Yes.” Helen nodded.  
  
“Well? Who?” he demanded to know.  
  
“You.”  
  
“Oh.” Nikola began to realize the implications.  
  
A strange artifact no one understood except possibly himself. But they couldn’t access any knowledge that he may or may not have without using the device that he couldn’t remember how to operate.  
  
Helen could sense the tiny seed of panic growing within him and remembered it only too well from her own experiences. Not not have a firm grasp on the facts, to not _know_ , was a terrible thing. As much as Nikola may deserve a bit of discomfort for meddling with the thing in the first place, he didn't deserve that. Besides, in this state he wouldn’t even understand why he was being punished.  
  
“Lucky for you, the process to return the memories is relatively simply.” She approached to reassure him.  
  
Helen tugged on a pair of heavy protective mitts they had been using to handle the object. When she held it up and offered it to him with a nod, Nikola took it in his hands once more. Again he could feel the tiny signs of mechanical life inside of it. He focused on it but couldn't define it. It wasn't a hum or a whirr, or even a tactile vibration. But there was something there.  
  
He looked up from his perusal to see the others watching him expectantly.  
  
“Well? Am i supposed to say an incantation over it or something?” he asked.  
  
Helen goggled in surprise. Will pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. Henry shuffled uncertainly. Nikola may not know these individuals but it was written clearly on their faces: that should have worked. And they had no idea why it hadn’t, or what to try next.  
  
“It would seem we have a problem.” he said.  
  
The simple statement was a far cry from his usual hyperbole.

 

 

 

 

 

 

AN - This beginning is a bit weaker than I'd like but bear with me!


	2. Chapter 2

When her memories had returned, things went back to normal. Mostly. She decided to continue breakfasting at the dining table with her friends. Most of them. Nikola no longer came to the table. At first because he was avoiding her. Now because he didn’t remember how pleasant their mornings together were. She had filled in a lot of missing information for him already but they hadn’t actually discussed daily routines yet.  
  
  
  
With his vampire nature new to him again, she wanted to make sure he was taking his medicine. Her Nikola didn't succumb to blood-lust but her Nikola also had a century and a half’s worth of control to call upon. They had no idea how this Nikola would react to the full extent of his powers and the cravings that came with him. So she invited him to breakfast and served him a glass of the fortified plasma.  
  
  
  
“This is designed for your unique physiology. You’ll need it regularly to maintain control over your Abnormal abilities,” she explained, setting a glass before him and taking her seat at the head of the table.  
  
  
  
Nikola saluted her with the glass and tossed back the contents. He grimaced in distaste.  
  
  
  
“Foul stuff. I don’t like the sound of ‘regularly’,” he said, extracting a handkerchief from his waistcoat pocket and dabbing the bad taste from his lips. “Why not mix it with a bit of wine to mask the taste a bit?”  
  
  
  
Helen watched his unconscious movements and remembering the hundred times she had seen them before. Nikola pulling out an handkerchief to brush imagined dust from his elegant suit or scrub at the germs on his hands. The scent of his cologne on the fabric when he offered it to her to wipe the rain from her brow.  
  
  
  
His words jarred her out of her memories.  
  
  
  
To hear Nikola Tesla suggest polluting his beloved grape with foul tasting medicine was beyond her imagining. Like a different man entirely sat next to her. When she said as much, after telling him about his long and besotted history as a connoisseur while they began their meal, he only shrugged.  
  
  
  
“Well, a century of refining my tastes has been lost. Everything will be new to me.” He leaned toward her and grinned. “You’ll have to reintroduce me to some of my favorites.”  
  
  
  
After she agreed she realized how neatly he had gotten her to agree to have a drink with him. Or rather several drinks. He would doubtlessly want to sample the entire cellar once he got started.  
  
  
  
The meal passed pleasantly. Helen followed Nikola’s example of sharing stories from their past but it felt different. Stilted. There were so many things she didn’t know how to explain, things they had never acknowledged. Things she had only recently come to understand.  She didn’t mention the kajmak. He didn’t look for it on the table.  
  
  
  
When they finished their meal, she stood from the table.  
  
  
  
“Come with me, I’ve got something to show you.” Helen said.  
  
  
  
He glanced dubiously from her to the empty glass beside him. Her last surprise hadn’t been particularly fun.  
  
  
  
“Oh, you’ll like this.” Helen caught his look and smiled. “I promise. Come on.”  
  
  
  
Helen couldn’t wait to show Nikola his lab and inventions.

 

* * *

 

 

She really didn't do much showing. As soon as she explained the lab was for his own research, Nikola was off. Poking and prodding his various invention, exulting in the genius of it all. He spoke rapid-fire, asking questions only to answer them himself a moment later. She had expected to answer his inquiries, share anecdotes, explain anything he couldn't quite puzzle out. But Helen found herself standing against the wall watching him. Nikola Tesla needed no help figuring things out. Like she had retained some of her medical knowledge, he appeared to subconsciously remember most of the last 100 years of scientific advancement. At least, those his work was responsible for.

Being ignored might have annoyed her if she didn't have her own mission. Moving around the lab, careful to stay out of Nikola's way as he whizzed to and fro, Helen began searching for his research on the artifact. Perhaps he had learned something to shed light on the situation. Bloody vampire couldn't have waited till _after_ he submitted his report to get his brain wiped?

As her search proved fruitless, she was starting to wonder if that was intentional. Tesla wasn't terribly organized at the best of times but surely his research shouldn't be hard to find? He was working with the data only two days ago, it should be handy and readily available. But it was not among the papers littering his desk, nor any file she could find on his tablet. After a few guesses she got lucky and manage to unlock his laptop to search it. The computer was so bloated with scientific journals he had downloaded, schematics and diagrams and files full of date, its a wonder the thing ran faster than a snail's pace. Henry must have kitted it out for Nikola. Perhaps he would know if there were any hidden sub-directories because she surely could not find a single reference to the artifact anywhere in his computer or in his lab.

Her lips pursed with annoyance. Nikola being secretive was rarely a good sign. His research missing along with his memories? Not likely to be a coincidence. Her fingers were tapping an agitated rhythm on the desk when Nikola swept over to her, rapturous in the face of so much thrilling technology and tangible proof of his own genius.

"This place is a wonder!" he said with a grin. He took Helen's hand, giving her a spin before pulling her into position for a waltz. It truly was a glorious day in Nikola Tesla's world; no memory loss could diminish that right now. "Thank you for showing it to me."

Nikola managed to pull her through a few stumbling steps before Helen pulled free of his grip, giving him a tight smile.

"I'm glad you are a pleased with it, Nikola." Her tone was polite, but forced. "Feel free to keep looking around. Excuse me, i have pressing matters than need attending to."

With no more than that passing attempt at politeness, Helen left the lab abruptly.

 

When she found Henry, she found no information to help with the mystery.

"Henry what have you learned about the artifact?" Helen asked when the HAP surfaced from within the guts of a new core processor.  
  
"Not a lot, Doc. We spent more time running tests on you trying to make sure it didn't do any lasting damage."  
  
"Nothing helpful? You’ve had weeks to study it since everything happened." Surely something new must have come up.  
  
Henry winced.  
  
"I know Doc. Nikola kinda.. took over the project. He’s not exactly forthcoming on what he’s been finding. I haven't had an update in weeks. Sometimes he doesn't even let me into the lab when he is running tests." A sore point for him. Since Tesla didn't run the tests in the vampire's personal research facilities, Henry kept getting locked out of his own lab.  
  
Helen scowled. Her bloody nuisance of an old friend _was_ hiding something and she couldn't even have the satisfaction of interrogating him about it.   
  



	3. Chapter 3

Helen arrived at Nikola’s room to find it looked like a whirlwind had hit a library; papers and books strewn about on most surfaces. This was definitely more than she could sift through by herself. She put in a call for help and started on the piles of paper on Nikola’s desk. There must be something about the artifact there. If Nikola were a logical man he would work at a desk, and there his work would be found.

But Nikola Tesla was not a logical man.  
  
She had finished checking every pile of papers in sight, and the desk drawers held only spare pens, tablet chargers, and emergency wine glasses. She was on her knees, feeling the underside of the desk in search of hidden compartments when she heard a chuckle from the door.   
  
Kate was leaning against the door frame, arms crossed, watching in amused bemusement. Kate hadn’t had a guess what was up when Helen had called her to Tesla’s room, but she certainly hadn’t expected to find her boss giving the place a good snoop. Not that Kate had the slightest concern for the vampire's privacy. For how much trouble Tesla caused, it was probably for the best.   
  
Helen made a face but didn’t bother to explain or defend herself.   
  
“Help me find Nikola’s notes on the artifact. Henry says he’s been unusually interested in it since my… mishap. But he wont share any of his findings and as far as we can tell he hasn't saved any of his work into the system.”   
  
Kate shrugged gamely and stepped inside, scoping the place out.   
  
“And he didn’t tell Henry what he was working on?” she asked, trying to think.  
  
“No.” Helen’s response was slightly muffled as she ducked her head beneath the desk again.  
  
Hmm. Tesla not bragging about his latest genius idea? Must be some secret, Kate thought. And where does a man hide his secrets?  
  
On a hunch Kate dropped down beside the bed and tucked her hand beneath the mattress, searching. It took a few moments to find as Nikola insisted on an opulent bed despite little need to sleep. The thing could sleep like 5 people comfortably. But eventually her questing fingers found a file and she pulled it out.   
  
“Got it.” She assumed this was it anyway. Kate was waving the file triumphantly when Helen extracted herself from the desk and stood.  
  
Remarkable. It had taken her less than 5 minutes from entering the door to finding what Helen had come for. In the last place Helen would have thought to check.   
  
“How on earth did you know it would be there?” Helen came over, grabbing it eagerly and flipping the file open to confirm it was the information they needed.  
  
“Come on, doc. You raised a teenage boy, how do you not know that every man hides their porn under their mattress?” Kate snarked.   
  
“Well i certainly never went searching for Henry’s pornography!” Helen defended.  
  
“Really? What if he had been into freaky stuff, like torture porn or something. How would you know you were raising a sociopath?”  
  
“If Henry had been a sociopath, there would have been other signs than his choice of-“ Helen cut herself off, uncomfortable with the turn this conversation had taken and exasperated by the distraction of it. “Regardless, every suite has a safe coded to fingerprints. If he wanted to keep it from prying eyes, why not put it in there?”  
  
Kate just shrugged. Tesla was a mystery Kate wasn't particularly interested in trying to unravel. She suspected it would be like trying to untangle barbed wire and he was already enough of a prick as it is.   
  
“Well if he had locked the file in the safe, you’d be out of luck.” Kate pointed out.   
  
Helen gave her a wicked smile.  
  
“That’s why you’re here,” she said.  
  
Kate chuckled. She could crack a safe if she had to. She was just as glad to avoid all that work though. And now that she was here, she was kinda curious what kinda porn a vampire likes. So she resumed her search while Helen began reading the file intently. Within moments, she felt a a solid object buried under the middle of the mattress at the foot of the bed. The luxurious bedding was fluffy enough to hide the lump it created.   
  
Kate extracted a slim leather briefcase. The boxy kind that always held fat stacks of cash in the movies. Either way Kate figured she’d hit pay dirt: if it wasn’t cash, it was a sizeable stash of porn indeed. Usually when she checked the bed of guys she dated or hung out with, she found a magazine or two, maybe a dvd. What did Vlad need an entire case for?  
  
Setting it on the bed, she wasn’t surprised to find it locked. Not that a lock could stop her for long, she thought, extracting a pin from her hair. With a quick jimmy of the lock while Magnus wasn’t paying attention, the latches popped open. When Kate lifted the lid though, she found neither money nor adult material.   
  
Mostly she saw letters. A lot of slightly yellowed, old-looking letters. Grabbing one, she read the envelope and saw it was addressed to Tesla from Magnus. The next few beneath it said the same.   
  
“Hey doc,” Kate caught Helen’s attention and handed her a few of the letters. “I think these are all from you.”  
  
Helen frowned down at her own handwriting for a moment. Flipping through them she recognized the different return addresses she had lived at in England and America. Some were postmarked from her travels.  
  
“Whoops, spoke too soon.” Kate said, pulling out a small packet of letters bound together. She peeked at the sender of each. “A bunch from James Watson, Gregory Magnus, Nigel Griffin here and there. Even one from a Montague John Druitt.” Kate scrunched her nose up in distaste as she handed these off to Magnus before returning to rifle through the case. “That might actually be a worse name than Jack the Ripper”   
  
Many people kept important correspondence. Helen herself had files full of the stuff, words too important or dear to discard. But John and Nikola had never truly been friends. The men had barely tolerate each other at the best of times and she couldn’t imagine what John could have to say to Nikola that was worth holding on to for so long. Curiosity in the form of a burning desire to read the letter almost overcame Helen right then but she was distracted once more by Kate.   
  
“Whoa.” Kate exclaimed suddenly, clearly taken aback.  
  
The young woman had shoved aside the pile of letters bearing the name of Helen Magnus to search the bottom of the briefcase. Below were various small boxes that set Kate’s thief senses tingling. Sure enough, when she pulled one out and open it up, she was blinded by the sudden sparkle. It was the most massive piece of bling Kate had ever held in her own hands. The woven gold band of the ring twined up to support a massive solitaire diamond more karats than Kate could hazard a guess at. Whoever this was for, Tesla really, REALLY liked her.   
  
Kate glanced at Magnus, who was really the only suspect she knew of. Helen’s jaw had about hit the floor and her hand trembled a bit as she took the ring-box from Kate.  
  
Then Kate remembered the others in the case. Before Helen had managed to recover her wits enough to speak, she was presented with two more stunning rings. Different styles, different stones, but all undeniably expensive and undeniably engagement rings. Good lord, just how many women had Nikola considered proposing to?  
  
Kate’s low whistle of astonishment finally broke through Helen’s shock. She snapped the lids closed on the flashing gems. When she replaced them, she saw there were more than just three ring boxes. Helen threw the letters in on top of them and hastily closed the briefcase before she was tempted to count exactly how many were inside.  
  
She cleared her throat and handed the file of notes to Kate. “Best get these to Henry. Something in there might explain why the return transfer isn't working.”

Helen couldn't quite meet Kate’s eyes before the younger woman left for Henry’s lab.


	4. Chapter 4

An entire day digging through Nikola’s lab, another ransacking his room, and a complete search of the Sanctuary’s database it became clear that Nikola’s slim file of notes were all they had to work with. Of course his hastily scrawled theories and list of ideas to pursue were next to useless. There was no way to tell which test and experiments he had actually done, or what the results might have been. So Helen found herself starting nearly all research on the artifact over from scratch.   
  
Working in the lab did give her a good excuse to avoid facing the man. She as suspicious about his secretiveness, angry that he had left them helpless and holding the bag, and though she couldn't admit it to herself even secretly, what Kate had discovered had Helen in a state of confusion.  
  
Her oldest and arguably dearest friend felt like a stranger to her now. And she was almost a literal stranger to him. Unsure how to act around him, it was much easier to avoid the issue by avoiding him. The time she spent in the lab trying to discover why the memory retrieval didn’t work was a convenient excuse to do so.  
  
But it was one that didn’t convince him. He had ambled into the lab one evening looking for companionship only to find Helen not in the mood to give it. She answered his questions and responded to his pleasantries but only in the most perfunctory manner. Nikola was no fool, he had seen her interacting with her employees. He knew that this cold, business-like demeanor was not the norm for her.   
  
With no memory of why he should walk softly and speak carefully, he really had no compunctions about confronting her on it.   
  
“Helen, I'm starting to get the feeling you don like me.” Nikola finally spoke up. She had been ignoring him for a solid 5 minutes while she adjusted equipment and stared at computer readouts even he could see weren’t telling her a thing. Nikola did so hate to be ignored.  
  
  
  
It was a tad ironic, Helen thought. Before, if asked, she might have said she spent much of her friendship with Nikola being on her guard. Always prepared to deflect his flirting or defuse his schemes for world domination. But now she was realizing how easily their personalities had meshed. Even when arguing they could be an odd complement to each other. Even scolding him felt like it came naturally. It just _worked._  
  
  
  
Now that she had to consciously weigh her words, and check her instinctive sharp responses to Nikola’s unique brand of nonsense, she missed that ease of communicating. She missed looking into his eyes and knowing he understood her without Helen having to explain herself.   
  
But the memory of those rings made Helen wonder how much Nikola had to explain about himself. Did she truly know the man, or did she just take it for granted that the side of himself he showed her (and only her) was an authentic representation of himself? They had spent enough decades apart and out of contact, did she even really know the man?   
  
  
  
“Forgive me,” She had glanced up and seen his expression, a slight hurt look hidden in his usual smugness. Helen conceded her attention to him and turned from her research. "The truth is we have a rather… _unconventional_ friendship.”  
  
  
  
“Oh?” He drawled, eyeing her appreciatively. He stepped closer, not quite into her personal space but close enough for his presence to have an effect, and leaned a hip against the lab table. “That sounds quite promising. Do tell me all the sordid details, leave nothing out.” His grin was wicked.  
  
  
  
“There’s nothing sordid between us, Nikola.” Helen had to roll her eyes. At least some things never changed.  
  
  
  
“Was there ever?” He asked.  
  
  
  
Helen sighed with exasperation but Nikola persisted, reminding her that he had no way of knowing.  
  
  
  
“Oh, come Helen. All these gaps in my knowledge, its enough to drive a man mad.” Especially a genius like himself. How many brilliant inventions were lost until he was restored to himself? “Isn’t it supposed to help memory loss for the amnesiac to be reminded of their life?”  
  
  
  
“That didn't work in my case.” Helen pointed out. “Nothing jarred the memories loose. I had to relearn everything the device took from me.”  
  
  
  
“Well, there you are.” Nikola said, thinking he had maneuvered that very neatly. "Time to start my re-education, no time like the present. So tell me, were we lovers?”  
  
  
  
“No.” She answered. So simply he couldn’t doubt the truth of it.  
  
  
  
“A century’s acquaintance between two such brilliant, beautiful people as ourselves, and we were never more than friends?” he asked in no slight dismay.

Nikola was vaguely depressed by such a world where these things could happen. This Helen Magnus was the most impressive woman he’d ever met; he’d wager on that even without his memories. A platonic relationship truly can’t have been for a lack of trying on his part...  
  
  
It was a pause before Helen answered. “No.”  
  
  
  
“You paused!” he said, almost accused. Surely it must have some significance. Helen’s brow furrowed. “You hesitated. Before you answered. Why?”  
  
  
  
“Really, Nikola…” Helen protested but the slight blush staining her cheeks only confirmed he was right to be suspicious.  
  
  
  
“Helen Magnus, you are holding out on me and i find that terribly unfair!” he cried, then changed his tactic from scolding to pleading. “Come, share your knowledge. I am an ignorant babe in the woods; i will be lost without you to guide me.”  
  
  
  
His hyperbole, so familiar to his usual self that it was comforting, helped ground her enough to ignore her warming cheeks and soldier on.  
  
  
  
“There was never anything more than friendship between us,” she insisted, though not as firmly as she would have liked.  
  
  
  
“But?” He probed.  
  
  
  
“There was a time or two when there might have been,” she answered. Something she wouldn’t dream of telling him normally. She’d never hear the end of it if she confessed she had thought about it. More than once.   
  
  
  
Nikola for his part was surprised less by the fact the attraction had existed (he did seem to be quite the impressive specimen after all, who could blame her?) and more that she was admitting to it. It was a vulnerable position to put oneself in.  
  
  
  
The theories he’d been forming as to their relationship would need to be reworked. This willingness to open herself up to him was at odds with the mostly chilly behavior he’d received from her so far. He knew it wasn’t her personality, though he wasn’t sure how he knew. If nothing else, seeing her charming and engaging behavior with her friends highlighted how stiff and silent she became in _his_ company.   
  
  
  
Helen took a deep breath. It was only fair she be honest with him as he was with her. Asking the uncomfortable questions was in Nikola’s nature, it seemed. She hadn’t been able to being herself to ask the same question of him when her memories were lost. She would have found it rather brave of him if it didn’t put her in the awkward situation of explaining.  
  
  
  
“When we met at Oxford. You were, _are_ , such a brilliant bastard.” she explained, her expressed softening with nostalgia. "I’d never met anyone who loved science the way you do. We had the most interesting conversations. But you were so arrogant, just _infuriating_ to debate with when you were convinced you were right, and at the same time so bent on proving yourself to everyone it was almost an obsession.”  
  
  
  
Nikola crossed his arms stiffly at hearing that unflattering account of his younger self. Helen smiled a slight apology to him.  
  
  
  
“You became a dear friend. But before there was a chance for you to grow on me in… that sort of way, I’d met John,” she said.  
  
  
  
Nikola nodded. She had told him of John Druitt already, his powers, his betrayal, and his murderous nature. She had rushed through the details of her personal relationship with Druitt. Judging by how uncomfortable she had been with the subject, there obviously was a lot of complicated and ugly history there. Nikola didn't need to be told that Helen had loved the man and he had broken her heart.   
  
  
  
“After John left, maybe something might have….” she trailed off with a shrug “But I was still licking my wounds. Before long you were gone as well, off to America. It never happened between us.”  
  
  
  
But she’d considered it, he realized.

 

Why that was so important he wasn’t sure yet but it was definitely a piece of the puzzle that was Helen Magnus. An enigma he was getting more and more eager to solve.


End file.
